Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous 10

Aug. 16th, 2011

Away From The Pain

To Be There Now

A walk between heaven and earth,
Between dreams and reality
Between us and them
Between thinking and knowing.

A walk that takes me into the clouds
Into the past
Into the waterfalls
Into me.

Into a world of colors
Of talks
Of memories
Of other walks.

I feel myself wanting more,
To be younger
To have known all this already
To be there now.

I regress into the dreaming child
Just the dreaming child
With nowhere to go
And nothing to do.

I stop to think
I stop thinking
I grow weak
I fall asleep.

Jul. 21st, 2011


I'm Back

Finally after six months... I finally remembered my password. Yea me!!!

Dec. 5th, 2010


Writer's Block: Ready, steady, read

What is the best book you've read this year, and why?

Healy, Thomas. I Have Heard You Calling In The Night. New York, Harcourt INC., 2006.


I feel like I am in a love affair with Thomas Healy because as I am reading his memoir I am finding his writings both irritating and wonderful at the same time, just like one would think of a lover. Reading becomes difficult with Healy jumping time lines so much. For example on page 131 he jumps from age forty-eight to age twelve. Without any explanation why and no correlation between the two events discussed. He writes his book as one would write a journal of random memories, jumping from one idea to the next in no real order. And he writes as he would speak; that is what brings about my simultaneous frowns and smiles. Every third sentence or so is a fragment which gets the dander up in the writer/student in me, while on the other side I’ve always had an obsession with Glaswegians and his isms just absolutely delight that part of me.

A Glaswegian – that is what Thomas Healy is. He was born in Glasgow, Scotland in 1944. Healy has written three other books, A Hurting Business, Rolling, and It Might Have Been Jerusalem; as well as having several of his short stories published in magazines. His father died when he was only thirteen-years-old, he lived most of his life with his mother and his sister Mary. And, of course, Martin.

Martin was the main focus of this memoir. Martin was a Doberman that Healy adopted on the spur, Martin more chose Healy than the other way around. Throughout the entire book, is one tale of their bonding after another. He does write of other bits of his life, but for the most part, it is a tribute to Martin the Doberman.

Healy takes us all over Scotland and even into London. I was able to get a real good look at the places he described as he traveled. A good example is the things he saw when he ran away in 1958. He ended up in Kings Cross where he met a prostitute who took him home for a week. “Lily was leading me down a lane where some couples were having sex together, almost in the open…I could not stop from watching them, white arses in the night” (p. 45).

Although he talks of some very happy memories alongside the bad, the overall mood of Healy’s book is one of longing. He insinuates that Martin is no longer among the living but talks about him as if he is still walking down the road next to him day by day. But the longing is not for the dog alone, he misses his father terribly too.

Healy tells us about the relationship with his father, how close they were, they even used to share a bed. At night while they were waiting for sleep to come they would talk about all kinds of things. His father died in November of 1957. Healy talks about his mother, how she was white haired but that he never considered her old. She worked well into her eighties and always saved up each year to go on vacation. She had survived the death of her husband, an infant daughter, her parents, and both of her brothers. “You could safely say she had been through the mill and had known her share of sorrow” (p. 22). In March of 1992, Healy’s mother had a stroke. She died three years later at the age of 84.

Although Martin had been credited with saving Healy’s life several times, he also had been a conflict in Healy’s life. The two of them had gotten an amazing job together where Healy had met a wonderful woman. Their relationship was short lived because Healy had put her second to Martin. As much as I’ve grown to admire Healy through reading his book, I have to side against him this time, he was wrong to put a dog before a human.

If this were a novel and I was to name the climax of the story, it is most definitely the moment when he decided to put Martin to sleep. I almost cried, I had to force it back so that I could keep reading. Although there was no real resolution except the slow and steady healing of time.  

I Have Heard You Calling In The Night is most certainly about the love of a man and his best friend, but there is a deeper meaning in Healy’s book. The title is in fact a prayer he had sent up to God around the time of his beloved Martin’s death. What might it mean is still a mystery to me; but it is truly a beautifully sad story of love and longing and time. I am very glad to have been allowed to hear his story.


Alan Tudyk T-Shirt

I am selling my Alan Tudyk T-shirt. Well it's actually a tank top, it's hot pink with black lettering that reads - "Single Until Alan Tudyk Proposes." I'm asking $20.00 for it cause it cost me $25.00. And I'll expect you to pay shipping of course $5.00. I had it specially made and I've only worn it once, the day I bought it, and it was WWWWWAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY too small for my brests. I'm willing to go down to $15.00.
That's as much as my scanner will scan, it's little. Tell your friends who love Alan Tudyk. Great for cons.

Happy Birth Day Toni

Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni. Happy Birth Day Toni.

Hope it's the best one this year.


Nov. 24th, 2010



I just finished another Short Story, I've very proud of it. Going to sell it to New True Love Magazine if it's good enough. If I post it here does it still qualify as unpublished? They only take unpublished material. Oh, yea, if they like it and accept it I get $300.00.

Nov. 21st, 2010


I had a dream...

Last night I had a dream. This is no big surprise, I dream every night... But what makes this one special is that I can remember the dream itself, not just that I had a dream. I post it in hopes that someone out there knows of dream interpretation and can tell me what it means. I have checked my dream dictionary and three different on-line ones... I was unable to understand how the definitions meshed with each other and so was unable to understand the dream itself. Please help.

The Dream

It started on a close up to a man’s face. (I do know who the man is but since I was seeing him as the character he plays and yet calling him by his real life name, I am not sure which version of him I am supposed to be considering for translation.) He was a vampire, and apparently we were dating because we were sharing a bed when I woke up to his face.

For the first part of the dream, details are a little fuzzy. I can however close my eyes and see the place we lived very clearly but cannot put it into words. I can say it was very clean and spacious. He had a teenage sister, a mother, and a father. The father was the only one I interacted with. He was funny, or tried to be. He had a very lightened personality, but I did notice that he could disappear and reappear at will.

The man (I'm still refusing to tell you who) also had some friends who stopped by. A gay man, a beautiful woman, a fat man, and an old black woman. She was a Vampire too; she was actually the one who changed my man into one. I remember this black woman's face as if I'd known her all my life. I can even still see it now twelve hours after waking. The thing that stood out the most is those dark black spots that come with age all over her face.

She tipped me into the typical position to bite me, bared her fangs and got close. The whole time I was staring at my man, he wore a look that said he was excited for me that I was getting this done. When the black woman didn't do it, my man looked concerned. She turned to him and told him to leave, he did. Then she turned to me and said "you have to leave too. You have something to do. You have to find _______." (For the life of me I cannot remember what she said to find.)

Feeling sad I stood up and walked out the door. I entered into a hall that was lined with doors all the way to the end. Halfway between me and the end of the hall was a metal table like you’d see in police stations questioning rooms. So at the end of the hall I got into the elevator and pushed the down button, the elevator when up. When it opened I entered what I thought was at first a VERY expensive hotel. It looked like the Marriot down in Atlanta, GA is was that plush. But at the reception counter sat police men and women, and over them was a big sign that said Police Station.

I headed for the door to leave and saw my cousin Katie. She looked amazing and I told her so. She just glared at me as if I was disgusting and so I walked right by her. She glared at me all the way out the door. Once outside I knew that I was in New York City, it looked exactly the same as the last time I was down there. I just started walking. After only seconds (or what seemed like seconds) I was in a smaller city, then a big town, then a small town, then I was walking down a country road, and finally I was in the woods on a small path. I finally stopped at a bunch of bushes; the path went right on under them. I bent down to look and saw that I could crawl under them but that it would be difficult and that I'd get scratched on the thorns.

I was also being followed the whole time I was out walking. In NYC I was being followed by the beautiful woman, I couldn't see her but I knew she was there. In the small city the father was with me out of sight, and in the big town my man was there, again out of sight. In the small town the gay man was there. Only he wasn't a man anymore. He was like half human half bird all covered yellow feathers. He was dancing along the roof tops as he followed me and singing. I couldn't see him but I heard him and saw the feathers. It made me laugh. Out on the country road I kept passing these swampy mud holes on either side of the road and the fat man kept poking his head up out of them watching me. For some reason I knew they were protecting me, making sure I got where I was going safe. It made me feel very good, special and loved.

Then when I got to the bushes and had to bend down, they were all there. I felt them standing behind me, I didn't look, don't know why but I knew they were just feet behind me. After I assessed weather I could get through I saw a snake, a little green grass snake. I knew it wasn't really a snake but someone or something else. So I picked it up and put it in my shirt saying "I'll keep you safe."

Also on the ground were the bits of a broken necklace. It was red wooden beads carved each into a different shape and it had black lettering on it. I thought at first they were runes but when I looked closer they didn't look like any runes I'd seen before. I put the beads in my pocket. I was wearing read martial arts pants with pockets. Then I got on my hands and knees to crawl under the briars and that's when I woke up.

So I repeat... If anyone can help, I need to know what it means. I very rarely remember my dreams so when I do I take them as a message from the divine. I must know what the gods are telling me. I beg you all, help if you can.

Nov. 12th, 2010

Away From The Pain

Book Three Is Ready

Past Time: Dreaming (Book One)

Twelve modern-day people are pulled into the past one hundred fifty years. They are brought together to form the Travelers, a band of people who must travel through time on missions for God, or at least they think it is God. They struggle with learning how to use their powers and making events follow the path history has set. This time it is the first Thanksgiving, and the lesson learned is that no matter how different we are from the people around us, to survive we must get along.

Come join their adventure and be a part of history.

Past Time: Getting Comfortable (Book Two)

The Travelers are off on another adventure, this time to the famous Trojan War. New powers emerge as they take over the bodies of legendary figures like Achilles and Helen. This time the lesson learned is not so clear, but it is learned nonetheless. Know who you are and be true to it, for that is what your friends are counting on: you.

Come join their adventure and be a part of history.

Past Time: Easing In (Book Three)

The Travelers are off on another adventure, this time a double. They first find themselves in Pompeii just in time to set off Vesuvius. Without more than a minute to brush themselves off from that mission, the twelve are sent off to Atlantis. Their lesson this time: Loss is hard, but we must go on.

Join them and once again be a part of history.

I Need To Hide


How can I forget you boy? I was born to love you, and I will never be free. You'll always be a part of me.

Oct. 11th, 2010


Happy Birthday To Me.

I was born on this day in 1980 at 6:45 PM. I used to look foward to my birthday that was until my twenty-second.

In 2002 I wanted to be free of being a mom for just one day. That didn't mean that was all I wanted. But I guess my family miss understood. They took Jan and disapeared. I stayed home all that day upset that they didn't do anything for my birthday. It was the lonliest feeling I've ever had.

In 2003 I was homeless and living in my car, nothing was done for my birthday.

In 2004 I was living in a tent in the woods. Only my cousin Sara came by and said happy birthday. I made eggs cause that was all I had and we talked for a little bit. That was it.

In 2005 I was living with Jessi and Shire at Shire's parents house. Her father Padrick played that Beatles birthday song and Shire gave me a book.

2006 was in my Granitevill apartment everyone forgot it was my birthday until two days later. I got a lot of "Sorry I missed your birthday," but I didn't even get one late card.

2007 I was living on Spaulding Street, only my daughter remembered. My mom remembered a week later. It was my sister's birthday a month later before she remembered.

2008 only Jessi remembered. 

2009 my estranged boyfriend showed up on my door step with his two kids. He unloaded a truck full of stuff, all brand new, and all of it was for his kids. I even said it was my birthday. He said "Happy birthday," then proceded to move himself and his kids into my apartment. He could have at least kissed me.

So now I'm left wondering. Will this year be any different?

Previous 10